All of the words I said out loud for S01E14 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Welcome once again to the Library of Audio Fiction, where we keep hold of nearly all dramas, books, stories, actual plays and a few other things.
Please, come in, unless you're not supposed to?
Sorry, it's been a slightly awkward week. We've been having trouble with our membership database, and we've lost access to all records of which members have what privileges. As such, I have no idea if you're allowed into the building, or to listen to any of our stories, or even to join me in a bourbon biscuit.
Although at least there's a loophole there, in that if you use a spoon, I think you can eat almost anything.
I told them it was a mistake to go digital, but they were determined. "Stop panicking" they said, "the fingerprint readers are foolproof" they said. And now one person has an accident with superglue and a boxing glove, and no one can unlock the database.
In the meantime, I've just decided to look at each person as they come in, and try to sense for myself what I should do. It's worked nearly perfectly. Admittedly there's been the person who stole the original copy of a show about a Mills and Boon set in an industrial military complex. And every listening station set up to play a show about a company that helped people set up new lives has mysteriously vanished. And I suppose we should probably try and find out what happened to the librarian who never returned from shelving that show about a trucker looking for her missing wife.
All of that aside though, looking at you, I can sense you're an honest soul, and I bet you want to listen to the absolute oldest show we've got, right? No? The newest? Huh. I would have thought random guesses about what people should do would be absolutely spot on. Guess not.
Tell you what then, I've got four trailers here for new shows. Perhaps those might suit you.
First up, Last Call at Bluebell Cafe is a fantasy audio drama about a shapeshifting Barista who is a little too interested in other people's lives. The Barista runs the transient Bluebell Cafe, where customers can get more than just coffee. Many of the wanderers who find themselves stumbling upon this hidden cafe in dusky hours are at a crossroads in their life. Who better than our Barista to guide them along their path? With a little help from magic, of course. However, magic and people are both unpredictable; there's a reason why they don't mix, as the Barista will soon discover.
[CLIP - Last Call at Bluebell Cafe]
Then there's Barren. When reporter Peter Sommers returns to his grandparents' farm in the wake of their death, he uncovers a horrifying mystery that challenges everything he knows about his family, his sanity and reality itself.
[CLIP - Barren]
And this week's RPG is Roll Your Own Adventure. It’s an improvised storytelling podcast with a heavy dose of audience interaction. Follow five friends as they journey into the mysterious realm of Raylia using nothing but their wits, some dice, a vague and nebulous understanding of D&D… And you, the listeners!
[CLIP - Roll Your Own Adventure]
And finally, Crypto-Z, a new immersive sci-fi audio drama. Join Jane Silver’s mission to restore life on the planet, as she ascends the Alps to discover the mesmerizing yet menacing “Iceman”.
[CLIP - Crypto-Z]
Right, that's your lot for this week. Probably. Yes, let's say yes. That's your lot. If you come back next week, you might be allowed to listen to some more. And if you find any shows we don't have, you can probably tell us on Twitter. I think that's still working, with the name @AudioDramaDebut.
Anyway, cheerio!