All of the words I said out loud for S01E28 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
The Librarian: Hello there. Quick, get in, and shut the door. Quietly! Don't slam it. I don't want people to find out I'm in the office today.
You see, there's been a slight mix-up. One of the curators of Audio Fiction is retiring, and there was a whip round to raise money for a leaving present and so on. I think the aim was to sort presents, cards, flowers, a little cake and a few other things.
Unfortunately, I didn't know this, so when I was given a tenner on Friday with the suggestion that I should go and get a cake, I thought we just had some spare money in the petty cash. And they know I like my tea breaks, so I thought they were just being very generous.
Which means that I've been having a lovely time with that fruit cake over there. Go on, help yourself to a slice, I'll never eat it all. It's impressive, isn't it? That icing border is impressively built. I honestly can't get over it.
Anyway, what that means is that I've eaten - most of - a lovely cake, but the Post Witches are currently hunting me down to either get the money back or extract the cake out of me. Unfortunately, it's another week to payday, so I'm mostly in running and hiding mode right now. I've been getting inspiration from these shows. There's this one about a young socialite who vanished from a car, this old time radio style show about a town that goes missing, and this one about a journalist and his producer investigating some unexpected limbs.
Still, can't let these problems get in the way of delivering good service, so here, join me under this desk while I play some trailers for you.
First, Tastier than a Jubjub Bean in the jaws of a Rutien Brush Badger, The Kingfisher Chronicles tells the story of three space adventurers as they traverse the infinite galaxy. Inspired by outlandish 80's sci-fi, this hilarious new jargon-brimmed podcast is more powerful than a jackhammer in the hands of a Chumblewarner.
See you on Alkanost Prime!
[CLIP - The Kingfisher Chronicles]
The Librarian: Then in The Path Down, it’s freshman year of college. Vanessa Ortega is a telepath struggling to control her power in more ways than she realizes. Dexter Sullivan is an aspiring animator still reeling from the loss of his parents two years ago. Between Vanessa’s telepathy and Dexter’s grief, they’ll soon learn that they each have to confront their inner demons.
[CLIP - The Path Down]
The Librarian: Then, The Art of Ambition is a modern noir-esque series told from the perspective of a New Yorker with his ear to the ground and a knack for turning a situation to his advantage. In the city that never sleeps, the next opportunity is right around the corner...
[CLIP - The Art of Ambition]
The Librarian: And finally, Last Best Hope. After the intrepid crew of Star Command's U.S.S.S. Bittersweet Symphony gets lost in Time and Space, it will take all their gusto to find a way back across the Galactic Divide to save the Earth and Humanity itself!
[CLIP - Last Best Hope]
The Librarian: Right, that's your lot for this week. You're going to need to sneak out and...
F/X - Nails clicking on a floor. You know, like the Velociraptor scene in Jurassic Park.
The Post Witch: Post?
The Librarian: Shush! Be quiet. That's a post witch.
F/X - Nails clicking on a floor.
The Post Witch: Post?
The Librarian: Just keep really quiet.
F/X - Nails clicking on a floor. Maybe closer?
The Librarian: And maybe they''ll...
The Post Witch: Post? Post. Post!
The Librarian: Oh god, they're coming! Run! Run!
F/X - A chorus of "Posts!" to the tune of Ride of the Valkyries along with the continuous clicking of nails.
The Librarian: And call for help! Try the twitter feed, @AudioDramaDebut!
Anyway, cheerio!
The Post Witch: ...Poooooossssst?