All of the words I said out loud for S01E42 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - The click of a button, as a tape recorder begins.
THE LIBRARIAN (PRETENDING TO BE A VERY PROFESSIONAL INTERVIEWER): Hello, and welcome to "Are they doing a heist?", a true crime podcast brought to you by the Library of Audio Fiction, in collaboration with the Library of Audio Non-fiction.
Okay, okay, it's not really a collaboration, but I had to steal this recorder from somewhere.
This is a new venture for us, but we reckon there's sufficient interest in murders, thefts, assaults, kidnappings and a few other things that it's worth having a look at.
This week, you're joining us for a cold case, one that's gone unsolved for a long span of time despite numerous efforts to solve it. We started at the scene of the crime, and spoke to the unlikely victim.
F/X - Clicky tape recorder button. In the backgroud are the general sounds of a library.
THE LIBRARIAN (STILL PRETENDING): Day 1 of the investigation. I'm walking through the dramatic halls of the Library of Audio Fiction, where the crime I'm going to investigate was committed. I'm here to interview the victim, the Acquisitions Librarian, who works in the Library, and was the first one to notice the crime.
F/X - Knocking on a door, followed by it opening. A gentle fire blazes in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN (AS HIMSELF): Hello there. Please, come in and take a seat. I would offer you something to eat, but that's why you're here, isn't it?
PRETENDING AGAIN: Quite. Why don't you start at the beginning, and tell me the sequence of events that day.
THE LIBRARIAN:Well, I'd come in early, as usual, and had had a productive morning lending out shows, updating our publicity material, rewriting parts of the guidebook, and trying out a new filing system. All pretty standard.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER:Are those usual tasks for an Acquisitions Librarian? Are you not meant to mainly be finding and collecting new audio drama for the archive?
THE LIBRARIAN: I think you'll find the role isn't quite as limited as that. I have a certain leeway in my day to day.
F/X - Tape recorder button.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: The Librarian looked somewhat uncomfortable, but I didn't want to press the point. This wasn't what I was here to investigate.
F/X - Tape recorder button.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: So then, you got to lunchtime, and you went for your break?
THE LIBRARIAN: That's right. I wandered through to the canteen, and made my usual cup of lunchtime tea. That's when I turned to the fridge. On opening it, I made the hideous discovery. Someone had taken my sandwiches.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: From inside the fridge?
THE LIBRARIAN: That's correct.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: And the fridge isn't locked, or sealed in any way?
THE LIBRARIAN: No. I've suggested it a few times, a simple combination lock or similar, but it's always been kicked back.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: And your sandwiches, what were they?
THE LIBRARIAN: Jam. Jam sandwiches. My favourite, strawberry.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: Did you have your name written on them?
THE LIBRARIAN: No. No. It'd been a long week, and I'd failed to bring my pen with me to the kitchen when I brought them in that morning. I looked at them, in my hand, and thought 'It's fine. No one's ever taken them, and I've been bringing sandwiches for years. Just this once, I don't have to write my name on them.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: And that was the last time you saw them.
THE LIBRARIAN: That's right. That's probably the worst thing. Not the hunger, not the loss, but that breach of trust. You don't write your name on a sandwich once, and it's immediately gone. I don't know who in the office took it, and I don't know who to trust.
F/X - Tape recorder button.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: Tragic. Utterly tragic. Our team investigated several threads, but nothing turned up. Double checking in our satchel yielded nothing; opening, closing and reopening the fridge door multiple times failed to make the sandwiches magically appear, and our interviews with library staff were met with hostility.
F/X - Tape recorder button.
LONG-SUFFERING FELLOW STAFF MEMBER: Go away!
F/X - Tape recorder button.
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: In the end, we realised that this was one cold case, that would stay cold.
So we retreated to the office, and decided to cheer ourselves up with some trailers. It's one of the few things that calm our nerves.
First, we listened to Jim and Jan.
[CLIP - Jim and Jan]
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: Then, Blast into Adventure!, in which a COVID-quarantined suburban dad starts listening to a 1940s radio show that shouldn’t exist. Then the show starts listening back.
[CLIP - Blast into Adventure!]
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: Then, Exile. In the post-post-post-apocalyptic future, a young woman is exiled from the small religious enclave of Haven for a crime she did not commit. Lurking in the surreal horror of the wilds are beasts and fiends, but these monsters illuminate her past, her relationships, and the circumstances surrounding her exile. This is her audio diary.
[CLIP - Exile]
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: And finally, Cold Storage, a sci-fi narrative podcast mini-series produced by Corvus Audio, an independent podcast production company based out of Dayton, Ohio, and created by sibling duo Savannah and Harrison Webb. The series follows two mechanics tasked with maintaining an underground doomsday bunker in the aftermath of nuclear war who stumble upon a dangerous conspiracy that threatens the last remnants of humanity.
[CLIP - Cold Storage]
LIBRARIAN AS INTERVIEWER: Right, that's your lot for this week. If you have any information that could lead to the capture of this jam thief, please, contact us on our twitter. It's @AudioDramaDebut.
Anyway, cheerio!