All of the words said out loud for S02E21 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Raging fire.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there!
F/X - Fire extinguisher whoosh.
I'll be with you in a minute, just need to... deal with this.
F/X - Fire extinguisher whoosh.
Best not try and sit down, I think that chair has had it. It suffered quite badly from the flames. I'm afraid I can't offer you any tea either, all the fires today seem to have evaporated it.
Yes, all the fires. Unfortunately there's been quite a lot of them today. Usually, this being the Library of Audio Fiction, we have very strict rules on ignition sources, and so there's very little chance of problems happening. After all, we don't want any of our dramas, books, stories, actual plays or anything else going up in smoke.
However, I've recently acquired a new assistant. It was quite difficult to do, actually, as the Library currently has a recruitment freeze.
F/X - Unexpectedly large roar.
Sorry Pryftan, I know you don't like anything to do with ice. Shh.
Luckily, I've managed to figure out a way of paying them with the Greater Library's biscuit fund, hopefully in a way that's untraceable to me.
Er, don't tell anyone that bit.
And with this method, I don't need to go through all that boring paperwork for PAYE and HR and so on. I can just put the money straight on his hoard.
Yes, I said hoard. You don't expect a dragon man...
PRYFTAN: Dragon man!
THE LIBRARIAN: ..yes, very good. You don't expect a dragon man...
PRYFTAN: Dragon man!
THE LIBRARIAN: ...you really are going to do that every time? I've told you, it's not how you get a catchphrase.
Anyway, you don't expect a dr...a...lizard boy to have a bank account, do you? All dr......big lizards keep their money in a hoard. He's got a cave somewhere around here.
(Whispering) look, I know it's silly, but if he really wants to run with this as a way of living his life, who are we to stop him? Obviously he's not a dragon shapechanged into a person, that would be ridiculous, but I've got a very efficient assistant for remarkably cheap, so I'm prepared to look the other way.
I just have to be very careful to not look the other way if he ever gets mildly irritated, because of the explosion of fire problem.
I'm not quite sure how he does it, but there's obviously some sort of hidden tube that allows him to pretend to breathe fire. It's an impressive commitment to his character, especially when combined with how shiny he's managed to make himself. I can't stop looking at my reflection in him.
But the fire breathing is fine, those fire prevention rules are mostly there for other people. I've got a mate who the Library can buy fire extinguishers from, so I can keep the place mostly not on fire.
And handily, the trailer machine is one of those things that hasn't been on fire at all yet, so I've got four trailers you can have a listen to.
First, Beneath the Copper Dunes, an audio drama that takes place on the desolate surface of Mars. Featuring Quinn O'Connell, the new station overseer for Invicta Mining Oversight Station 13, who begins to uncover strange artifacts buried just below the surface, and attempts to unlock their secrets, while keeping them hidden from the authoritarian interplanetary corporation they work for.
Little do they know that they are about to embark on a journey that will not just change their life, but the very future of Mars.
[CLIP - Beneath the Copper Dunes]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, DASH. 1940, Los Angeles. Openly gay private eye Dash Malone, combats a society that rejects him, a lover who isn’t honest with him, and a rash of brutal murders that are somehow connected with his new prospective client, the mysterious Zita Makara.
As the bodies stack up, Dash discovers the seemingly unrelated parts of his life are really pieces of a larger puzzle. Can he conquer the monsters of the past to stop a terrifying future from occurring?
[CLIP - DASH]
THE LIBRARIAN: And then Truth Hounds. Anna Seregina and Kyle Mizono are two close friends who have decided to investigate the smallest, most insignificant mysteries known to mankind: why are some people always late? Why does it feel so good to reveal a secret? Why does Anna’s neighbor rearrange the succulents on her porch five times a day? I mean, five’s too many times - I don’t care who you are.
In every episode, Anna & Kyle attempt to get to the bottom of these mysteries. And they will stop at nothing to get there - because they have the time. They call themselves the Truth Hounds. Sniff. sniff..
[CLIP - Truth Hounds]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally The Waystation. The crew of an orbital station discovers a strange celestial object, creating something that threatens to enmesh them all.
Armed with the recordings of the events, a federal agent scours the logs and entries of the crew in search of the truth behind the station's mysterious destruction. Your worst enemy is you.
[CLIP - The Waystation]
THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that. If you do happen to have any fireproofing tips, feel free to tell our twitter account. It's @AudioDramaDebut.
Anyway, cheerio!