All of the words said out loud for S02E23 of Audio Drama Debut, my podcast showcasing new audio drama, fiction and RPG trailers.
F/X - Fountain pen writing, and then being capped. Fire gently crackles in the background.
THE LIBRARIAN: Hello there. Come in, and help yourself to a cup of gunpowder green. How can I...
F/X - Ding!
Sorry, we've just implemented a new system that tells us whenever a show hasn't been returned by the deadline. There's quite a few of those, so it...
F/X - Ding!
...tends to go off quite often. Let's just turn that off.
F/X - Click.
You wouldn't think the Library of Audio Fiction would have that big a problem with things being returned late, but I guess people are generally unreliable.
F/X - Security alarm.
See? The trouble they cause. Let me just...
F/X - Click.
That's someone trying to steal one of our dramas, books, stories, actual plays or a few other things. Most annoying. Hopefully someone will deal with it.
Terrible, really. We had three shows stolen last week, because people ignored the warnings. We lost this show, about people living on Mars to escape a destroyed climate on Earth, this show about a small town trying to keep a grasp of the technology that feeds them, and this show about a girl who has to escape her city to live with a foster family.
It's been the week for alarms, it seems. For some reason, my phone keeps...
F/X - Phone buzz and ding.
...telling me to stay at home? Seems a bit rude. I mean I'm not the most gregarious person anyway, but it keeps...
F/X - Phone buzz and ding.
...saying I should spend 10 days on my own. I didn't think my company was that unpleasant. So I've been trying my hardest to talk to as many people as possible to improve my social skills.
That's been a bit difficult really. For some reason, a lot of people just aren't in work this week. Might be due to the holiday season? I certainly understand that, it's been remarkably warm. It's so hot on some days that...
F/X - Fire alarm.
...the fire alarm keeps going off. I guess the heat interferes with the circuitry. Don't worry, I can get that.
F/X - Click.
Right, well I think that's everything switched off, so let's get down to what you actually want. Trailers? Yes, that's an easy one. Luckily they're not affected by any supply chain issues. I've got four handy. Let's see what they are.
First, Zed 1. A Lockdown like no other. Just as society begins to recover from one virus, another comes along to take it's place, only this one is....oh let's just say "a bit more mobile". It's even reached the docile town of Faringdon, where a Husband and Wife sit and wait...and wait...and do a bit more waiting. This will all blow over, right? Can their marriage survive? Can any of us survive?
[CLIP - Zed 1]
THE LIBRARIAN: Then, The Lower Bottoms. A scripted drama/dark comedy told through the voices that make-up the quickly gentrifying West Oakland neighborhood.
[CLIP - The Lower Bottoms]
THE LIBRARIAN: And this week's RPG, The Deimos Paradox. What is a god, but the dreams of the human consciousness brought to life? The Deimos Paradox is a Lancer RPG actual play podcast featuring a rotating cast of players, and, most importantly, lots of mechs!
[CLIP - The Deimos Paradox]
THE LIBRARIAN: And finally, I Love Lucifer, a new Romantic Comedy Horror audio series. Two B movie stars battle movie monsters by day... and real monsters by night. When the cameras stop rolling, the lines of reality are blurred, and the fantasy of their day job turns into a living nightmare.
[CLIP - I Love Lucifer]
THE LIBRARIAN: And that's that. Hopefully that's enough for you, and...
F/X - Proximity alarm, getting closer.
...oh no, that's the Director alarm. She's just outside the...
F/X - Door slam
THE DIRECTOR: You! What are you doing here? Didn't you hear the fire alarm? Get out of the building, now! And then keep going! I know you're meant to be isolating. Go work from home! And then get on the phone and start hunting down those late returns.
Do you never listen to any of the beeps? I had to take down two people in the car park, who had tried to run off with one of our workstations.
And you! Fire alarm. Out, now! If you really want anything that important, use our twitter. It's @AudioDramaDebut.
THE LIBRARIAN: Anyway, cheerio!
THE DIRECTOR: Get out!